Are You Self Aware?

Self-awareness is the foundation of personal growth and development. It refers to having a clear understanding of one's own strengths, weaknesses, emotions, and thought patterns. When we are self-aware, we are better equipped to make informed decisions and navigate the world around us.

Sounds important right? It is. Surprisingly, while many people struggle with self-confidence and an appropriate amount of ego, recent research indicates that nearly ninety-five percent of people think they are self-aware. If that percentage were accurate our would would be better and kinder and many of use would be better off. Unfortunately while nearly everyone thinks they are self-aware, research conducted by Tasha Eurich found the actual percentage of people who have truly mastered an accurate and helpful sense of self is lower than fifteen percent.

But what does it mean to be self-aware? Eurich identifies two distinct types of self-awareness; Internal and External self-awareness. In short internal self-awareness refers to how we see ourselves and external self-awareness refers to how we think others see us. The gold standard of self-awareness means having high levels of both internal and external awareness and is described as knowing who you are, what you want to accomplish and seeking out and valuing the opinions of others.

So, are you truly aware? Unless you are part of the fifteen percent above the answer is no. You likely have some amount of both internal and external awareness but true awareness requires effort, intention, trial and error, vulnerability and authentic connection with others. All of that is no easy task but the benefits of self-awareness are clear. Research shows that self-awareness is highly correlated with confidence and creativity and stronger relationships. People who are self aware are less likely to lie, cheat and steal and communicate more effectively.

Seems worth it right? Not only is it worth it but there are also nearly no downsides to true awareness. Intimate relationships, healthy and constructive work environments, friendships, psychotherapy and communication coaching are all avenues that can increase your self-awareness and trust me, it’s worth it.

-John Hughes

Tending To Friendships During COVID

I was recently interviewed by NPR’s Chicago affiliate, WBEZ, to discuss the impact of COVID on our relationships, friendships and mental health and I decided to focus on the friendship impact because I think it is under discussed. One of the suggestions I make in the interview is to acknowledge that the impact of COVID (and frankly any crisis) is disproportionate across different members in a friend group based on a multitude of variables. For example in a single friend group there may be front line health care workers, essential workers and service industry employees who can’t work from home and are therefore more at risk and overwhelmed. There are income differences and relationship statuses that play a part and mean that one friend may have significantly more resources than another. Instead of ignoring the differences why not instead acknowledge the privilege and say “I know this is harder on you than on me” or “It’s so unfair that I get to be at home working and you don’t just because we chose different careers. I’m sorry”. People feel closer and more connected when they feel seen and understood.

Link to Article on WBEZ here

You Signed Up For This

Two weeks into COVID in March 2020 I was asked by NPR and WBEZ Chicago to give advice on how couples could manage the transition to working from home and what was then isolation and shelter in place. Here is a link to the article and audio but I want to focus in on one of the key takeaways which is that when you agreed to partnership you signed up for all that may lie ahead. In nearly all marriage and partnership vows couples make affirming statements about their commitment to each other to weather the storms of life. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and while we may always hope to not have to test these commitments out, shit happens. My advice in the linked piece was for couples to remind each other that they signed up for this. This is what the vows meant. This is hard and unprecedented and scary but you have each other and that is a privilege. In secure functioning relationships bad and scary and hard things still happen but you use the strength and security of the relationship to your advantage.

Link to Article here